Grounded in the Turbulence

Meeting Yourself in the Uncertainty

(You can listen to me read this writing using the oval-shaped box above.)

Our home sits high on a ridge, surrounded by the ups and downs of land left untouched by the glaciers that swept through these fields thousands of years ago. Flat plains full of corn and soy come to a sudden halt and then drop off to reveal a land full of rolling hills and forest stands, carved by the flood waters of the melting glaciers that ended their journey just ten miles to the north of where we reside.

The ridge we live on is clear in parts, wooded in others, the home somewhat open to the elements. Quick shifts of weather are common here - tranquil one moment, gale winds coming from the southwest the next. On display to the winds of winter, our home’s windows shake as the wind whips through the hills and valleys surrounding us. In the spring, our clothesline, bare to the sun and breeze, has had sheets pulled clear from the line in a single gust with barely a hush of a breeze at all prior. I have found linens in the walnut grove nearby, holding my pillow case in a branch as if to say, “Here you go. I’ve caught her for you.”

I cannot control this wind and yet I choose to stay. I cannot rein in the gales that pass through the night, into the valley and over the ridge, rattling our windows. I cannot corral the wildness of our life here. I know it is part of it. It is the other half to the sun that shines on our faces and gardens. It is the balance of the hot humid air that sits completely still in August. It is the wild younger sister to the calm oldest child. It is like this everywhere on Earth - it has been since the beginning of time. There is calm and there is wild, the easy and the difficult, beauty and fear. And yet we choose to take part. We say yes to the beauty and to the fear, to the easy and the hard, to the peace and to the warring. Through all of it, we choose to stay.

There will always be facets of this life we would rather do without. There will always be forces out of our control. Our human minds effort to fix, to curate our circumstances. We say when this goes away, I will be fine. If I could change this, my life would be perfect. When I have this, I will be happy. When there is peace outside of me, there will be peace inside of me.

And yet, in this moment, we can choose. The peace we seek is available to us in each moment.

I remember a time as an adult of immense fear, unsure of what the future would hold. In that moment, I looked to a loved one for reassurance. My glassy eyes met theirs and expecting to see their fear as well, I was instead gifted with eyes of wisdom and love. Their peace in that moment overflowed, filling me, filling my heart. The magic of that moment carried me back to that place of wisdom, love and peace that resides within me, that resides within all of us, no matter what is happening in the outside world.

We know the winds will come. We may feel exposed to them now, a world quickly moving and full of uncertainty. And yet, we are not at their whim. We can steady ourselves. We can reconnect with the wise sage, the eternal part of us that lives inside of us always, no matter how dormant or quiet they have seemed up to this point. She is who I was returned to that day through the reassuring eyes of another. She wants you to know that she has been lovingly listening to that fearful place that lives inside - not to quiet her, but to hold her. Not to silence him, but to reassure him that he is always loved, always safe. She can hold each part of you steady while standing in the clear pasture, braving the wind’s turbulent nature. And if you should be caught in the breeze, she is the walnut tree that is there to catch you, to return you to your true self, to say, “Here you go, I’ve caught her for you.”

I take a deep breath. I feel the life within, that resides there always, no matter what surrounds me. I exhale. I know I cannot control all aspects of this life, and even so, I am free.

Blessings and love to all,

Seja