It’s funny how it happens all at once. These events or moments in our life that we could call ‘stressful’ or what the mind would classify as ‘problems that our life would be better off without’ - lately, they seem to be rolling in in threes, or fives. Or maybe they aren’t coming in all at once, but accumulating, like tumbleweed getting larger as it makes its way across the prairie, picking up each little issue until it’s one big monstrosity, house-sized, unmanageable, out of control.
Sometimes it takes only one problem to lay us out, to find ourselves laying face up on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, wondering what movement is next. Is there anything I can do, any action I can take to take some of this weight off? And even as our mind searches for answers, there are times that only a blank space is drawn after the question. And as I found myself laying on the sofa tonight, asking myself what I could do in this moment, the answer was nothing. There was no action I could take.
One of the problems was work, a stock issue that I could not resolve, could only just email customers to let them know there was a shortage. Another problem, health-related, not me but someone I love. Another, not my place to divulge. And then to top it off, any number of articles in current events or the news cycle that seems endless at times.
I have the image in my mind of the man spinning plates on each hand and then a person coming up to him and adding another plate for a foot and then another plate for another appendage, until they all fall. It’s a stressful vision, isn't it? Watching a person try to balance it all? Us watching, holding our breath, knowing they will fall, but maybe not? What is going to happen, the nervous anticipation of it. And then when they do fall, what happens, both to the man and to the spectators? An exhale! A big breath. The man standing there, plates on the floor, but the man still standing. The plates are broken, but is anyone hurt? No. We could say, “well, he dropped the plates. The plates are broken. If he was better at holding them, they would all still be spinning.” True. We could also say there was action in the spinning, but nothing was really accomplished. Maybe those plates weren’t even his to hold to begin with.
In these moments of holding so much, we can feel if we aren’t focused on one of the problems in each moment, at all times, we aren’t making progress. If we aren’t talking to someone about it, aren't checking our email or sending an email, aren’t sharing an article, aren’t researching solutions, then no progress is being made. It’s such a heightened way to live, like constantly riding the roller coaster while making the first initial climb and that’s it. Just clink, clink, clink, we will make it to the top eventually, right? When do we get off this thing again? Our nervous systems were not built for it. We have to summit the hill, ride the ride, and exit. And only ride it once a day, not multiple times a day. (I’ve gone on a roller coaster over and over again due to non-existent lines and I can attest that it does make one feel headachy, nauseous, like they’ve been knocked around all day long. )
A sense of relief is imperative following these stressful moment in life. The same as holding a breath, an exhale is necessary for life to continue. We have to know that once we have taken a step or action towards a problem we are holding, that step gives us permission to release the problem for a period of time so as to give our souls respite. If we make a phone call regarding a problem, yet continue to hold the energy of that problem in our bellies, we continue to live our lives in the energy of the problem. Our souls have no recovery time and there is no traction gained on the solution to the perceived problem.
As we watch the events of the world unfold before our eyes, it may not feel enough to pick a task and then let it go. When all feels as though it is crumbling, are we supposed to stand by and watch? Unsettled by the conflict I sense and the disharmony I perceive, I want to make moves to help. And yet I know my power on a global scale is limited. I remember that being in community with my neighbor is a step. I put my hands in the dirt. I pray, I say I love you I love you I love you to all that I cannot physically hold. I call my loved one. If we want to expand our scope, the reach of our impact in the world, we can do that. And also, the work we do in our own homes, our own neighborhoods can hold even more benefit. There is much beauty in knowing that most of us are already problem-solvers in our life’s work - we raise children to be good humans, we create art to make the world beautiful, we grow food to nourish, we love each other. All of this is healing, important work and the kind many of us reside in daily
Having said all of this, there are also the problems that bring us to our knees. The kind that affect us or those we love and there is no clear path to resolution in the moment. In those, it can be challenging to find peace. I have been here and all I can say is that the intensity of it lessens over time. Resolution does come. The experience may never fully leave us, the wound of it leaving at first a scab and then a scar. These times come to us and leave us with perspective on all issues that follow. Problems that might have seemed large before these, come to find out, are not all that scary or worth our time at all.
The good news is that this is not all life is.
”Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” Soren Kierkegaard
We come into this world to experience the full roundness of it all. We attempt in our humanity to hold it like clay, to form it and manipulate it. But the leaves will fall each autumn. The temperatures will cool in winter. There are people thousands of miles away suffering and all I can do in each of these situations is to see them, my eyes holding them in wonder and love and a knowing that I am not separate from any of it. My presence is a balm, as theirs is to me, and the love I hold for all of it brings an energy of gratitude to this life that will continue to exist when my physical presence is no longer here to witness it.
Life will come along and give us days where we can feel like we are standing at the edge of the shore, bare to all the wind can carry. The gift of these times is the ability to sink into ourselves, to touch the eternal place inside that has carried us through and up to this point. We recall all that we have been through, all that we are made of, and we are reminded that we are resilient, we are strong, we are always held, and we are capable of navigating our way through.
Love,
Seja